we are all reflections of those around us. we have the core of our personalities, and we are individuals. people still rub off on us, and are guilty by association due to the circles we traverse. my circles are of people who stay in the same town in the same routine, doing nothing. i have a yearning to do something, anything new. the excitement of discovery. yet these circles have rubbed off on me so much that when i decide to stray from those patterns, i do not know how to find something new to experience.

and for those i wish to see but don't? they have forgotten me. i am invited nowhere,yet i am missed. there are claims that i am loved, but they are only claims. i feel no affection from most of the people that claim to care about me. so i turn to the easier circle for some semblance of social interaction. i fool myself into thinking i'm human.

i have accepted that i am going to be alone for the rest of my life. this year has shown that more than ever. this was once a fear that haunted me for years, a vision of a broken life to the end. i begrudingly accept it, because true colors have shown through. the sooner i am used to this mental hermitage, the less i will be let down with my interactions and relations. i do not want it to be this way, but it's another step in accepting the dynamics of my life.