companionship is in our DNA. it's coded into our instincts. how ironically tragic that one such as i craved something so deeply yet will never have it. people are always surprised at the length of my time being single. it's always a by proxy thing; people just assume but never consider the facts. i am simply not any person's type. it's a bitter pill to swallow, but life isn't fair for everyone.

i know how this world views me. i'm a monster to strangers. i was once a pushover to friends. i've forced a change within myself against my entire character in order to survive in this society. being feared is a lesser form of respect, but better than having none at all. i may as well reap benefits from being looked at as a monster, because being friendly gained me nothing.

almost everyone i know is fairweather. when they want something from me, thats when they appear. favors, money, an ear to listen. when i need the same in return, nothing. this is my disconnection with everyone around me. i'm only wanted when it's convenient. no one really cares if i live or die, they only care that i live to get something out of me.