it's not time yet to write about the betrayal i suffered months ago. i am comfortable talking about it, just not in this medium just yet. that entry would be long in the tooth (even for me). what i am getting off my chest now is observations from tonight.
i saw the guilty parties tonight. the cowards that used me up and tossed my friendship tonight. they avoided me. not in a "stand my ground, i just wont speak to you" sort of manner, but in a "i'm going to hang back and be invisible" way. at first it figured, and i left it at that thought for awhile.
then the realization struck: they have no convictions and fear me. if they believed what they did was right, they would not cower from me. they would have responded to my last message. they would have approached me tonight and told me that i was wrong. yet, none of that happened. they left me alone, couldn't even look at me. i won. no matter what happens, they will remember what they've done and my words of truth will always echo. they fear me. they know their mistake. they know they're weak.
i am strong in my convictions, and how i conduct myself. handshakes me something to me. the words i say are things i never go back on. the actions i take to go out of my way to support people i care about are very real and selfless. all i ever expect in return is respect and consideration in a high degree if we are to remain friends. to expect anything less is to cheapen one's self worth.
i have self worth. i am not a stepping stone. i am not going to be used up and thrown away. i conduct myself with respect and honor, but the world i exist in doesn't understand that. it grows harder to keep the rage from being betrayed in. i somehow maintain self control. its probably the solace i find in knowing i'm better than the cowards i've scathingly cut from my life that don't have the gall to face me.
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