i am very sensitive about trying to seek help for myself. i have spent a year trying to seek help, and each time it doesn't pan out. i spent years after the catastrophe yelling for help because i didn't know how to get it. i suffered ptsd very badly, and my mood can still be easily shifted. today i tried to seek help, and the doctor wasn't even there! i arrived 10 minutes early, and left 5 minutes after my schedule appointment. i tried calling their direct line, went straight to an automated message.
i am easily discouraged. i've had to bear more than i can emotionally handle. the strength of that dam has long fallen, and the demons flow freely. when that doctor didn't show up, i gave up on them. i don't tolerate mistakes in my self-help from other people. i was in a very sour mood until something happened.
a friend of mine sensed my distress and called me. we talked for a good long time, giving each other advice and generally just being there for each other. it felt good knowing that someone noticed and cared enough to try to make sure i was going to be ok, and really listened to me. there were many times i did that for other people, in the hopes that others would do that for me. normally, i get taken for granted and people move on unknowingly selfish. having someone check on me for a change really meant something. if you see this my friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
after we spoke, i had to handle business with a group of people. to give more context is to give away who i am, but lets just say non-curricular group projects tend to end badly. apparently in some circles, i know selfish short sighted buffoons that have no respect to whats currently being built. i laid down reality and no one spoke back. if there is one thing i can die with, it's knowing that the power behind my convictions is stronger than the weak wills that oppose me.
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