in my emotional solitude, i have grown complacent. i am so used to being alone, that i know no other way. sure, at times the heart sends out pangs of loneliness but i've learned to ignore it's sad song. i do wish to not be alone, but i've accepted that dying alone w/o having truly been loved is my fate. i don't care what anyone says, it's in our instincts to want someone by our side. i've just learned to ignore it.
tonight a person told me, they liked my "look". i was flattered, thanked them with a smile, and started conversing with my friend. a few moments later, my friend told me to talk to the person who complimented me. they were long gone by that point, and the perceived chance meeting i had along with it. in the past when moments like these happen, my social ineptness shines and i begin mental flagellation. this time, i wasn't emotionally bothered and rather enjoyed the rest of my night.
i cannot tell where i am with this. on one hand, some days the loneliness i possess is crippling. the rest of my days, i am fine and am not phased. it has been years since anyone has taken interest in me. so much so that i do not know how to handle the situation when it arises; much like a dog wouldn't know what to do with a car once it caught one.
should i worry? should i worry about my apathy? a part of me is lost that i barely care about, which feels quite odd. the only thing i believe i can take from this is that a stranger finally found me aesthetically pleasing, and that's the only victory to be scored.
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